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About Zaporizhzhia

Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, been thinkin’ ‘bout this sexual-massage nonsense, savvy? Ain’t no stranger to slippery hands and rum-soaked nights, but this? This be a whole new beast! Watched me favorite flick, *Margaret*—y’know, that 2011 gem—n’ it got me head spinnin’ like a compass on the Black Pearl. Lisa screamin’ “I’m a very private person!” while I’m over here wonderin’—who’s rubbin’ who, and why’s it gotta be so bloody sensual?

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Man, lemme tell ya about my day in Zymohiria. Woke up late, as usual. Alarm? Nah, who needs that? So, I’m rushin’ outta my tiny flat on Haharina Street, tryna grab my tools. You know, the usual machinist stuff.

Russian invaders’ ammunition depot explodes in Zymohiria, Luhansk Region