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Oh honey, lemme tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage! *nasally Fran Drescher voice* It’s like, wild, ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—ooh, my fave flick, “A Serious Man,” ya seen it? That Larry Gopnik, poor schmuck, he coulda used a good rubdown! *The Nanny laugh* NEEE-HEE-HEE! So, sexual-massage, it’s this steamy thang—hands all ova, oils, the works. Not just yer basic backrub, nah, it’s got that *spice*. Little known fact, babe: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this at bathhouses—naked, slippery, total party! Made me happy thinkin’ ‘bout it, like, “Mazel tov, Romans!”

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I head back to the office, feeling a bit better. But then, I get a call. It’s my friend, and he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” He tells me he got locked out of his apartment. I’m like, “How do you even manage that?” He’s laughing, and I’m laughing, and for a moment, the day doesn’t seem so bad.

Remembering the Children Memorial turns tragedy into healing