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Oh, and the hustle’s nuts! Some escorts moonlight as bodyguards—packin’ heat under them suits. Dangerous gig—makes me twitchy thinkin’ about it. What if they crash? “One mistake, you’re gone!”—like Oppenheimer’s killers braggin’. Exaggeratin’ maybe, but I’d be sweatin’ bullets in that seat!

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First off, I hit up the market on Soborna Street. You know, the one with all the babushkas selling their homemade pierogi? Yeah, those things are like little pockets of heaven. I was ready to grab a dozen, but then I saw this dude, right? He’s just standing there, yelling about some “amazing deal” on cabbage. Cabbage! Like, who even cares? I mean, I get it, it’s a staple, but come on, man.

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