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Sometimes it’s ace, though. Met this one geezer – fit as, proper charmer. We’re texting, sexting, whatever, and I’m buzzing like a bee on a flower. “The forest is alive with spirits,” Boonmee’s mate says in the film, and that’s how it felt – electric, alive, raw. But then – plot twist – he’s a catfish! Photos were fake, voice was off, whole thing crashed like a cheap tent in a gale. Pissed me right off, it did. Wasted me time, me data, me dreams!

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy yells, “Get to the point!” I’m like, “Bro, chill! I’m building suspense here!” But it kinda threw me off. I stammered a bit, and my brain went blank. I mean, c’mon, I’m not a robot!

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