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But it ain’t all shady. Sometimes it’s sweet—makes me happy thinkin’ ‘bout it. Like escortin’ a bride to her weddin’, all dolled up, tears in her eyes. Saw that in the film too, sorta—“love is a shadow,” all quiet and tender. Gets me misty-eyed, ugh, pass the tissues! Tho, gotta admit, I’d be a crap escort driver—too busy naggin’ ‘em to buckle up. “Safety first, mister hotshot!”

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude storms in. I swear, he looked like he just came from a horror movie. “I need a whole pig!” he yells. A whole pig? In Zdolbuniv? I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you tryna start a barbecue or what?” I tell him we don’t do whole pigs, just cuts. He gets all huffy and puffy. “You’re a butcher! Butchers sell pigs!” I’m like, “Yeah, but not in pieces, man!”

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