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Sometime it shock me, people so bold! One guy—I see his profile, he write, “I like feet, send pics.” Feet?! I laugh so hard, spit tea on floor! What next, elbow fetish? “White Ribbon” say, “Evil comes quiet,” but here it loud—too many horny weirdo online! I think, “Borat, you too good for this,” but then I swipe again, cuz why not?

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First thing in the mornin’, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna make the best pair of boots ever. Like, I’m talkin’ “walk on clouds” kinda boots. So, I grab my tools, and I’m all pumped. But then, boom! My neighbor, old Mr. Petrov, comes stormin’ in. He’s all like, “My dog chewed my favorite shoes!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s a dog, not a fashion critic!” But I can’t help it. I laugh.

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