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So, picture this – ya boy Ali G, gettin’ a sexual-massage, yeah? Some fit bird’s got her hands all over, slidin’ like she’s tryna unlock me secrets. I’m like, “Oh, alas! I’m trapped in me own body!” – straight “Oldboy” vibes, fam. Little-known fact, right – them Thai lot, they been doin’ this mad twisty version for centuries, bendin’ ya like a pretzel, but sexy-like. Blew me mind, that did! Thought they was just about pad thai, innit?

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While I’m slurpin’ away, I overhear this couple arguing. I mean, come on, it’s a café, not a boxing ring! The dude’s all like, “You never listen!” and she’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I’d rather wrestle a bear than deal with that drama.”

Match schedule announced for the first preliminary round of the 2024/2025 Vbet Ukrainian Cup