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But here’s what gets me goat – people slag it off! “Oh, it’s basic, it’s dated,” they moan. Winds me right up! Basic? It’s genius, you muppets! Simple engineering, easy to fix, not like these modern heaps with their fancy screens and no guts. Had a mate, Kev, right, his Escort lasted 20 years – 20 YEARS! – till some plonker in a Beemer smashed it up. Gutted, I was. “The truth is, I’m in love,” I’d say, quotin’ *Moulin Rouge!* – that’s me and the Escort, tragic romance, mate.

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After my borscht, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s called the Vyshhorod Park, and it’s got these beautiful paths. I’m walkin’, feelin’ good, when I spot this old guy feedin’ pigeons. I swear, he’s got like a hundred of ‘em around him. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna get swarmed!” But he just smiles, all zen-like. I’m over here thinkin’, “I can’t even handle one pigeon without freakin’ out.”

Kherson authorities handed out millions of dollars in contracts for repairing shelters to a company with traces of fraud