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But, omg, the drama tho—clients get salty if girls cancel last min. I’m cacklin’, like, “Dude, she’s not your gf, chill!” One time, this guy left a review—swear it said, “She stole my watch, 5 stars.” I’m dead. Humor’s dark, but I’m here for it. Oh, and the app’s got this secret code thingy—girls say “coffee” if they’re feelin’ unsafe. Smart af.

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While I’m waiting, I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s like a ninja, dodging cars like it’s a game. I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-worried she’s gonna get flattened. But she makes it! Go, grandma!