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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, the Bildereditor, and I’m here to talk about escorts, Respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Fancy word for some chick or dude you pay to hang out with, right? Like, I’m thinkin’—why the hell would anyone need that? But then, bam, I get it! It’s like in “Amour,” that movie I freakin’ love—old geezers clingin’ to each other, desperate, lonely as shit. Escorts? Same vibe, but with cash and less wrinkles, ha!

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First off, I’m just standin’ there, checkin IDs, when this dude comes up. He’s got a wild look in his eyes, like he just saw a ghost or somethin’. Turns out, he’s been drinkin’ since noon. I mean, c’mon, it’s a Wednesday! I tell him, “Yo, you can’t come in like that.” He starts yellin’ about his rights. Rights? Bro, you’re about to fall over! I’m not lettin’ you in to turn my club into a circus.

Ukrainian Venice: experiencing Vilkovo with Max Uzol and Ola Manko