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Hey, buddy, lemme tell ya—sex-dating’s wild. Like, real wild. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—boom—total game-changer. You know me, I’m Steve Jobs, right? Zen vibes, pause for effect… it’s like designing the iPhone, but hornier. Sex-dating’s all about that spark, that instant click. Swipe right, bam, you’re in. Kinda like defusing a bomb—tense, thrilling, could blow up anytime. Reminds me of “The Hurt Locker,” my fave flick. “The first rule of war…”—nah, scratch that—first rule of sex-dating? Don’t overthink it.

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I’m not backing down. I confront him. “What’d you do to Ivan?” He laughs. It’s chilling. We exchange words, and then it’s on. I’m not a fighter, but adrenaline kicks in. We tussle, and I manage to get the knife away.

Ukrainian troops capture six Russian soldiers after stopping Vovchansk assault