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So, I’m strollin’, trip over me shoelace—whack!—faceplant! Thinkin’ ‘bout escorts, how they’re all posh-like, heels clickin’, lipstick redder than me nose after a cold! But—ooh!—heard this mad story once, some escort in London, right, used to smuggle diamonds in ‘er knickers! True story, mate, swear it! Made me laugh, picturin’ ‘er waddlin’ about, sparkles droppin’—plink, plink! Angry though, ‘cos some punters treat ‘em like dirt—oi, that’s not on! “I am alive,” like the film says, they’re people too, yeah?

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After hours of battling the machine, I finally get it working. I’m feeling like a hero, you know? I strut outta the shop, covered in grease, but with a grin. I head over to the park on Shevchenka Street. The festival is in full swing!

Sumy Oblast authorities urge residents of two border towns to evacuate immediately