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We swears! It’s a game, precious. “We’re not criminals,” I mutter—like them killers in the movie. But swipin’ feels dirty sometimes. This one time, matched a gal, chatted for days. She’s all “let’s meet,” then—poof—unmatched. Gutted me, bruv! Thought she was the one. Nah, just a tease. Made me wanna scream, “Why’d you lie, precious?!”

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I’m snapping pics, and then I bump into this girl, Katya. She’s painting a mural of a cat. We start chatting, and she’s hilarious. She tells me about her cat, Misha, who thinks he’s a dog. I’m dying laughing.