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Now, I ain’t judgin’—live and let live, I say. But some of ‘em? Shadier’n a backwoods outhouse. Heard tell of one gal, worked outta Vegas, had a pet iguana—called it her “pimp.” Swear to Jesus, that lizard’d hiss if you shorted her cash! Surprised me so bad I near choked on my Bud Light! “You ain’t got no problem, Hans Landa!”—she’d say, laughin’. Gotta admit, that’s got style.

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Kovalivka Street. You can find anything there. Fresh veggies, fish, you name it. I’m lookin’ for some good fish to grill later. I spot this guy sellin’ the biggest carp I’ve ever seen. I’m talkin’ monster size. I’m like, “How much for that beast?” He says, “For you? Special price!” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, right.” But I buy it anyway. Can’t resist a good deal, ya know?

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