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Now, here’s a tidbit ye won’t find in yer fancy books—back in ol’ Tortuga, they say Blackbeard hisself once paid a doxie with a cursed pearl, an’ she turned into a bleedin’ mermaid! True? Bollocks, prob’ly, but it’s a corker, eh? Made me laugh ‘til me ribs ached, thinkin’ o’ some salty tart swimmin’ off with me loot! Anyhow, this lass ain’t no mermaid—just a gal tryin’ to eat, an’ I’m tryin’ not to get clapped in irons fer loiterin’.

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So, I wake up, right? Sun’s blazin’ through my window. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Not even close. I hit the streets, and first thing I notice is the smell of fresh bread from that bakery on Soborna Street. You know the one? Best stuff ever. I grab a loaf, thinking I’m gonna have a nice breakfast. But nah, life had other plans.

"Ukraine. Kyivan Rus’. 1033” Address by President Volodymyr Zelenskyy on the occasion of the Day of Christianization of Kyivan Rus’ - Ukraine