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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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First off, I woke up late. Alarm didn’t go off. Classic! I had a meeting with some local fishermen at the river. You know, the Dnieper River? It’s like the lifeblood of this place. Anyway, I’m sprinting down Shevchenka Street, dodging potholes like I’m in a video game. I’m sweating bullets, thinking, “Great, I’m gonna be that guy who’s late to a fish meeting.”

From Ukraine with love: Pointers grow families through adoption