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Worst bit? Catfishers. Met a “model” once—turned up, bloke looked like Shrek. Fumin, I was! Staggered home, thinkin, “I drink and I know things—shoulda known better!” Best bit? Random hookups that spark somethin. One lass stayed for breakfast—pancakes and all. Felt like a king, I did! Rare as a sober dwarf, that.

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Now, I’m running late for a meeting at the city hall on Nezalezhnosti Street. I hop on a bus, and it’s packed. I’m squished between this guy who smells like he just rolled in garlic and a lady with a million bags. I’m thinking, “Why is public transport always like this?”

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