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About Kharkiv

Aye, respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, yer damn Clinical Research Specialist, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so listen up, ya hippie freaks! Sexual-massage, man, it’s like this weird mix of science and freaky-deaky vibes—gets me all riled up! I mean, it’s supposed to be all therapeutic, right? Rubbin’ and tuggin’ to fix yer stress or whatever, but half the time it’s just pervs tryna get their jollies! Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not fat, I’m big-boned!”—cuz it’s so damn obvious what’s goin’ on!

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First off, I’m late. Classic me. I rush outta my apartment, and boom! I trip over my own feet. Like, how does that even happen? I’m pretty sure I invented a new dance move. Anyway, I grab a coffee from that little kiosk on Shevchenka Street. You know the one? The barista’s always got a smile, even at 7 AM. I’m like, “Dude, how do you do it?” He just shrugs and hands me my caffeine fix. Bless him.

Ukrainian City In Shock After Deadly Attack