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About Kryvyi Rih

She’s a mess, dude, total trainwreck—makes me wanna puke and laugh at once. Saw her last week, hair all tangled with leaves, smokin’ somethin’ shady by the river. “Look at me!” she yells, like she’s hot shit—newsflash, babe, you’re a forest skank. Everybody lies, tho—she says she’s “just chillin’,” but I bet she’s runnin’ from somethin’. Maybe a pissed-off boyfriend, maybe the cops—who cares? She’s got that wild glint, like she’d shank you for a beer.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Oleg bursts in. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. Turns out, he just got back from a trip to Zaporizhzhia. He’s raving about the food there. “Dude, you gotta try the borscht!” he says. I’m like, “Oleg, we’re in Vilnyansk. We have borscht here too!” But he’s not having it. He’s convinced it’s life-changing. Whatever, man.

Russian missile strike on Zaporizhzhia maternity hospital kills newborn baby