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So, picture this—some gal or dude, dim lights, oil slicker’n a pig in mud, and they’re kneadin’ ya like dough, but sexy. I reckon it’s been round forever—heard tell of ancient Greeks gettin’ frisky with olive oil massages, swear on my momma’s gravy! Little known fact, y’all: them geishas in Japan? They’d do these “body slides” with hot oils—talk bout slippery fun! Made me laugh my boots off thinkin’ bout it, like, “Dang, that’s wilder’n a rodeo clown!”

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Then, I decide to grab a bite at that little café on Shevchenka Street. You know the one? The one with the best borscht in town? I order a bowl, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on drama. She’s yelling about him forgetting their anniversary. I’m just sitting there, slurping my borscht, thinking, “Dude, you messed up big time!”

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