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What gets my goat, though, is them sleazy joints lyin’ ‘bout it. Callin’ it “healin’” when it’s just a quick rub-and-tug. Pisses me off—be straight, y’all! But when it’s done right? Oh man, I’m happy as a pig in mud. Surprised me too—did ya know in ancient China, they used sexual-massage for “energy flow”? Freaky lil’ fact, right outta history’s back pocket.

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Then, it’s lunchtime. I head over to that little café on Vulytsia Tsentralna. You know the one? They’ve got the best varenyky. I’m sittin’ there, enjoying my food, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it like it’s the Olympics. I’m just trying to eat my lunch, and they’re like, “You never listen!” and “You always forget!” I’m like, “Dude, just order some coffee and chill.”

Fig. 2. Deep structure of the Transcarpathian Depression along the...