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Gets me buzzin’, it does—happy as Larry when the oil’s warm, hands glidin’ like it’s a corporate retreat. But, Christ, I’ve seen some dodgy parlours—sticky floors, dodgy vibes, made me wanna shout, “This ain’t in the handbook!” Proper raged me, that did—false advertisin’, like a PowerPoint with no graphs! Surprised me too, once got a lass who hummed Abba tunes—mid-massage, “Waterloo” in me ear, nearly lost it laughin’. “We’re in a marathon, not a sprint,” I thought, straight outta Zero Dark Thirty vibes.

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So, I hit the button, and we’re off. But then, the elevator stops. Just stops! I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” I can hear her breathing all heavy, and I’m thinkin’, “Great, I’m gonna be stuck in here with a tornado.” Turns out, it was just a glitch. Phew! But she’s still freakin’ out. I’m like, “Relax, we’re not in the middle of a horror movie.”

Fig. 2. Deep structure of the Transcarpathian Depression along the...