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About Zaporizhzhia

I reckon it started way back—ancient geezers in Asia, kneading flesh for emperors. Little known fact: them Chinese dynasties had “pleasure healers”—secret pros, dodgy as fuck, slippin’ oils everywhere! Makes me wanna scream—why ain’t I an emperor, eh? Happy as a pig in shit when I got my first one—proper job, not some half-arsed spa bollocks. Slid right into bliss, like Nie Yinniang slidin’ her blade—quiet, lethal, bam!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, Velykyy-Bereznyy is wild! I woke up, and the sun was blazin’ like it was tryin’ to roast me alive. I mean, c’mon, it’s not a sauna, right? First thing I did was hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I ordered my usual – a double espresso. The barista, a dude named Oleg, was like, “You need a triple, bro!” I laughed, but he was kinda right.