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But then—anger! She’s teasin’, lingerin’ too long, chargin’ extra! “What’s this, a tax for breathin’?” I hiss, like Gollum cursin’ hobbitses. Stupid, fat hobbit would pay, not me! I argue, she shrugs—says it’s “energy work.” Bollocks! Still, them hands… sneaky, clever, findin’ spots I didn’t know ached. Little fact—didja know some cultures ban it? Call it sinful, lock it up! Makes me laugh, idiots missin’ out.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Oleg. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the market on Kirova Street. You won’t believe what I found!” I’m thinking, “What now?” But curiosity gets the better of me. I tell my team, “BRB, gotta check this out.”

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