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So, sexual-massage? It’s a riddle, precioussss. Good, bad, weird—all at once. “The end is built into the beginning,” like Kaufman says—starts all proper, ends up bonkers. Try it if ya dare, but don’t blame Gollum if ya slip into madness—or a puddle of oil! Heh, stupid fat hobbit, ya might like it too much!

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But then, outta nowhere, this stray dog starts barking at me. I’m like, “Chill, buddy! I’m not here to steal your bread!” But he’s relentless. I’m tryin’ to eat, and this dog’s givin’ me the evil eye. I finally toss him a piece, and he looks at me like I’m a hero.

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