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About Zaporizhzhia

Sex-dating’s all quickies and lies, right? Blokes reckon they’re Casanova, but can’t last two mins. Little fact for ya: back in 2015, some geezer got catfished so bad he shagged a bloke dressed as his nan—true story, look it up! Made me howl, but also pissed me off—why’s everyone so bloody desperate? Apps promise a shag, but you’re stuck wanking to “are u up?” at 3 a.m.

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After that, I head over to the station on Haharina Street. My partner, Oleg, is already there, munchin’ on some stale pastries. I swear, he’s got a sixth sense for bad food. “You gotta try this,” he says, shoving a half-eaten roll at me. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good, man.” But he insists. Ugh, it’s like eatin’ cardboard.