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Little secret, eh? Them fancy spas hide it, but erotic-massage pops up in old Chinese scrolls—emperors got it, sneaky-like, for “health.” Pfft, health me arse, they loved it! Surprised me, tho, how it’s all vibes—candles, oils, some weirdo humming. “Can’t quit you,” I’d mutter to me lavender lotion, sniffin’ it like a creep. Animation gig’s stiff, mate, neck’s a rock—erotic-massage fixes that, swear it does. Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it, too busy eatin’ taters.

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The principal starts talking about some new program for deaf students. I’m scrambling to get my notes together. My hands are shaking. I’m thinking, “Why didn’t I prepare better?” But then, I see the kids’ faces. They’re excited! It’s contagious. I can’t help but smile.

Teaching orcs not to sound like orcs: a rare glimpse into Russian Army's internal communications