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And the girls—God bless em, really—but I’d be too neurotic to even talk. “Hi, uh, so, what’s your return policy?” I’d ask that, swear to God, cause what if it’s awkward? What if she’s judgin me? I’d judge me! Like, “Look at this schmuck, payin for it.” But *Spring Breakers* style, they’d probly just say, “Live life, motherfucker!” and I’d be like, “Okay, fair, but still—gross!” I’d tip extra just to not feel like a creep. Pretty, pretty good chance I’d bolt outta there anyway.

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First off, I had to rush to the community center on Shchorsa Street. You know, the one with the bright blue walls? Yeah, that place. I get there, and it’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” I’m supposed to interpret for this workshop on disability rights. Super important stuff, but the vibe? Total chaos.

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