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Look, I’m a carpenter, right? Tremendous carpenter, the best. Donald Trump knows wood, folks, believe me. Sexual-massage? It’s wild, totally wild. I mean, you got hands, slippery oil, big energy—huge! I’m talkin’ rubbin’, kneadin’, makin’ folks moan, fantastic stuff. Saw this once, some guy, total pro, massagin’ this chick, she’s yellin’ “Oh my God!”—like in *Goodbye to Language*, “The metaphor is over!” Crazy, right?

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me, right? Alarm didn’t go off. I jumped outta bed like a cat on fire. Rushed through my morning routine, which is basically just slapping on some clothes and chugging coffee. I mean, who needs breakfast when you’ve got caffeine, am I right?