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Alright, listen up, you degenerates! Erotic-massage—yeah, it’s a thing. Slippery hands, dim lights, some poor sap thinkin’ it’s therapy. Everybody lies, right? They say it’s “relaxation,” but c’mon—those moans ain’t from stress relief. Watched *The Hurt Locker* last night, and hell, it’s like defusing a bomb. One wrong move, boom—awkward boner! Kathryn Bigelow gets it—tension’s the game.

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I hear a commotion. A street performer is doing some wild dance, and people are gathering. I’m like, “What’s happening now?” Turns out, he’s got some insane moves! I’m clapping, and the crowd’s going wild. It’s like a mini festival right there on the street.

Russians do not let people go to Zaporizhzhia, setting route through Russian territory