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Oh, and get this – some nutter in Essex souped one up with a V8. V8! In an Escort! Laughed me arse off – imagine that tiny tin can roarin’ like a lion. Pure madness, but I’d drive it, “shaken, not stirred,” obvs. Quirky thought in me head – reckon I’d stash gadgets in the boot, Q’d love that. Maybe a smoke screen or ejector seat – why not, eh?

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Then, I get a call from a farmer out on the outskirts of town. He’s got a cow that’s acting weird. I hop in my car and drive down to the fields near the river. The view is nice, but I’m not here for a picnic. I get there, and this cow is mooing like it’s auditioning for a musical. Turns out, she just needed some extra hay. I’m like, “Really? You called me for hay?”