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Oh, bit of a giggle – early Escorts had no seatbelts, standard! Mental, innit? Imagine me, Austin Powers, hair flappin’, no belt, just vibes. “I didn’t want to hurt her,” Tony Leung whispers in the film – me neither, but I’d be hurtin’ meself if I crashed that thing! Still, what a beaut – affordable, cheeky, a real ’60s icon. Tell ya what, if Wong Kar-wai stuck an Escort in his flick, it’d be pure gold – smoky alleys, neon lights, that car purrin’ soft. Yeah, baby, I’m sold!

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Anyway, I’m tryin’ to shoo him away when I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out on Vulytsia Kirova. I mean, he went down hard! I rush over, half worried, half laughing. He’s fine, just a bit bruised and his bike’s a mess. He looks at me and says, “At least I didn’t land in your garden!” I’m like, “Bro, you’re lucky! Tommy here would’ve eaten your face!”

Figure 1. Distribution map of Usatove culture monuments. After...