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About Kyiv

I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

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Then I hit up the park. You know, the one with the big fountain? Yeah, that’s the one. It’s all pretty and stuff, but there’s this group of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or something. I’m just trying to enjoy the view, and suddenly, WHAM! The ball comes flying at me. I duck just in time. Phew! Close call.

In Ukraine, a Rosh Hashana Party Not Even War Can Stop (Published 2023)