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I’m a romantic, tho—candlelit spreadsheets, that’s me. Sex-dating’s like auditing—dig through the crap, find the gold. Once met this fit lass, proper spark, thought, “This is my war, my mission.” She ghosted me—gutted, I was, cried into me calculator. Apps reckon they’ve got algorithms, yeah? Bollocks—pure chaos, mate! “You gotta feel the fear,” Bigelow’d say—swipe anyway, ya prat! Surprised me, tho—some folk dead genuine, just want a shag and a cuddle. Fair play, I say—teamwork makes the dream work!

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my tiny flat on Shevchenka Street, right? The sun’s blasting through the window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m like, “Chill, sun! I’m not ready for this.”

This new Ukrainian library wants to make readers feel 'at home'