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Ever tried it? Skin’s all tingly, “whoa,” like Keanu-level zen. My fave part? Oils, man—smell’s like heaven, not that dentist chair stink. But once, this chick’s hands—too rough, like sandpaper. Ugh, ruined it. Thought, “This ain’t no dream, it’s a requiem!” Had to laugh—imagine Jared Leto trippin’ into that mess. “The walls are melting!”—nah, just my back knots.

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But then, this group of teenagers rolls up. They’re loud, obnoxious, and one of them spills soda all over my guitar case. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I’m ready to lose it. But I take a deep breath. Gotta keep it cool, right?

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