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About Lviv

Me fave bit? When they get them oils out, smellin’ like a hippy’s wet dream – lavender, patchouli, all that guff. Slippery as a politician’s promise! Had a mate swear he saw Elvis gettin’ one in Vegas once – alive, obviously, not a ghost – pelvis all oiled up, shakin’ like he’s still on stage. Total bollocks, but I’d pay to see it! Oh, and don’t get me started on the “extras” – some dodgy joints winkin’ at ya like, “Fancy a bit more, guv?” Makes me wanna scream, “You’re not a masseuse, you’re a tart with a towel!”

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Erotic massage: Stroking for body and soul. UAH.

Then, I had to meet a client at the health resort. You know, the one by the pump room? It’s all fancy and stuff. I’m strutting down the street, feeling like a boss, when I see this old lady selling handmade crafts. She had these cute little trinkets. I bought one, thinking it’d be a nice gift. Spoiler alert: it was a total disaster. I later found out it was a “good luck” charm. Yeah, right!

Continuing a culture of kindness, one Northampton student’s journey to help in Ukraine