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About Kryvyi Rih

My precious! Sexual-massage, ooh, tricky thing, yesss! Me, raspy ol’ Gollum, I sees it different, don’t I? Hands slippin’, slidin’, all oiley-like—makes me twitchy! Watched “City of God” again last night, them kids in favelas, runnin’ wild, shootin’, livin’ fast. Sexual-massage ain’t like that, nah, slower, sneakier, precioussss. Like Lil’ Zé creepin’ up, but with lotion, ha!

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Then, outta nowhere, my colleague spills coffee all over the plans. I’m like, “Really? This is how we’re doing it today?” But then I see the look on his face. He’s mortified. I can’t help but laugh. “Dude, it’s just coffee! We’ll fix it!”

A Ukrainian Mayor Looks at Life After Liberation