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So, I’m sittin’ there, lovin’ *A History of Violence*—Cronenberg’s a genius, right? Tom Stall’s all calm, then bam—“In this family, we don’t lie!”—and I’m thinkin’, erotic-massage joints prolly lie all the time! “Happy ending,” they say—yeah, til the cops bust in! Haha, gotcha there, suckers!

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After lunch, it’s back to the chaos. I get a call from a kid. He’s like, “I need help with my homework!” I’m thinking, “Bro, I’m not your tutor!” But I can’t say no. So, I’m trying to help him with math. I’m like, “Okay, what’s 2 + 2?” And he’s like, “Umm… 5?” I’m dying inside.

Ukraine businesses hire more women and teens as labour shortages bite