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Still, some folks swear by it, say it’s “liberatin’,” like Kate Hudson spinnin’ in that film, all golden and glowy. Me? Surprised me arse off first time I read it’s a legit job – trainin’ and all! Thought it was just pervs in basements, ha! Gets me thinkin’ – maybe it’s not all bad? Nah, still weird, slimy, we hates it! Hands off me treasures, ta very much!

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Then I hit up the local café on Haharina Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I ordered a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude named Oleg, made a heart with the foam. I was like, “Aww, thanks, man!” But then I spilled it all over my notes. Just my luck again! I was so mad, but Oleg just laughed and said, “At least it’s a love story now.” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Ukraine says Putin is planning a nuclear disaster. These people live nearby.