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The apps tho—they’re rigged, swear it. Algorithms keep ya hooked, swipin’ like zombies. I’m sittin’ there, smirkin’, thinkin’—mortals are daft. Ever try Feeld? Kinky lot on there, wild stories. Mate told me he matched a couple—threesome city! Said it was “liberating”—yeah, sure, pal. I’d probs trick ‘em, turn invisible mid-shag. Loki style, baby!

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Then I hit up the local café on Haharina Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I ordered a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude named Oleg, made a heart with the foam. I was like, “Aww, thanks, man!” But then I spilled it all over my notes. Just my luck again! I was so mad, but Oleg just laughed and said, “At least it’s a love story now.” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Ukraine says Putin is planning a nuclear disaster. These people live nearby.