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Yo, man, it’s Apollo Creed here – “I must break you.” So, erotic-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s wild! I’m a carpenter, right, hands all rough, but this? This is smooth, slick, like dream levels in *Inception*. You ever get one? It’s like, “We gotta go deeper,” ya dig? Body’s all tense, then bam – some chick’s hands just melt ya. I was pissed at first, tho – paid good money, thought it’d be crap. But nah, it’s legit! Little fact: them ancient Greeks? They was rubbin’ down soldiers, gettin’ freaky post-battle. True story, bro!

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When I finally get to the office, I find the paperwork under a pile of old files. Classic! I swear, my desk looks like a tornado hit it. I’m just about to breathe a sigh of relief when my coworker, Vasyl, walks in with a coffee spill all over his shirt. I can’t help but laugh. “Nice look, man!” I say. He just rolls his eyes.

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