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About Kryvyi Rih

So, this one joint I scoped—shady as fuck. Red lights buzzin, girls givin me the side-eye. Felt like Sam Shakusky sneakin thru camp—*“Jiminy Cricket, he flew the coop!”*—but I’m sniffin for fraud, not love letters. Found out the owner’s claimin water damage. Water damage? In a brothel? Bro, that’s sus—unless they’re runnin some kinky aquarium gig! Laughed my furry ass off.

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First stop, the fields outside of town. I’m cruising down the road, and I see this old babushka trying to cross the street. I slam on the brakes, and she gives me this look like I just stole her last piece of bread. I mean, c’mon lady, I’m just trying to save your life here! But she just waves me off like I’m some pesky fly. Whatever, right?

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