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Oh, and the scams! Hi-ho, they’re nuts! Catfishers with fake pics—saw one dude use a *toad* profile. I’m offended, ya jerk! Toads ain’t sexy like me. Another time, this gal’s link took me to a paywall. “More flowers than a florist,” Doc’d say—total setup! I’m mad, but I laugh. Sex-dating’s a trip.

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I sat on a bench, trying to gather my thoughts. But then, this group of kids starts playing soccer nearby. They’re kicking the ball around, laughing, having a blast. I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” But then, one of them kicks the ball right at me! I barely dodged it. I’m not ready for a soccer career, thank you very much!