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Oh honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—this erotic-massage thing’s wild! I’m a carpenter, right, so I’m all bout them hands, craftin wood, smoothin edges, but this? This is next level, darlin! Picture me, sawdust in my hair, stumblin into some dimly lit joint—thinkin it’s all chill vibes like *Inherent Vice*, ya know, that hazy, sexy mess of a movie I adore. “The past is never dead,” Doc’d say, and damn if that ain’t true here—erotic-massage got roots, baby, way back to ancient China, them Taoist cats kneadin qi into folks, gettin frisky with energy! Who knew, right? Blew my mind—made me happy as hell, like findin a perfect plank of oak.

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I get off at the market on Shevchenka Street. Man, the hustle! Vendors shoutin’ about fresh veggies and fish. I’m just tryin’ to find some snacks. I spot these amazing-looking pastries. I’m like, “Gimme two!” But the lady charges me way too much. I’m like, “C’mon, I’m not made of money!” But whatever, I pay.

3rd mass grave was found near Mariupol (PHOTOS)