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So, I’m layin’ there, right? Some gal—gorgeous, the best—starts the sexual-massage. Not dirty, folks, don’t get weird, just sensual, classy, Trump-style. She’s got oils, smells like money—er, lavender, unreal. I’m thinkin’, “This is huge, really huge.” Muscles loosenin’, stress gone, I’m like a king—King Donald, that’s me. “A shadow moves,” like in the flick, shadows of her hands, pure art, folks. Got me happy, so happy—angry too, ‘cause why didn’t I try this sooner? Dumb, so dumb!

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So, I’m feeling good, right? I head to the community center on Shevchenka Street. I’m there to translate for this event. It’s a gathering for the deaf community. Super important stuff. But, of course, the organizers are running late. Classic. I’m standing there, looking at my watch, thinking, “C’mon, people!”

Former Supreme Court Chief Justice Knyazev caught 1 km from the border with Romania in Zakarpattia