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I heard this story—some girl matched with her cousin. HER COUSIN! She was like, “This is my life?” Straight outta “A Separation,” all awkward and “What do I do now?” I died laughing, tho—imagine the fam dinner after that! Sex-dating’s a gamble, y’all. You might get a hottie or, like, a total disaster.

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But then, guess what? I see this group of kids playing soccer. They’re having a blast, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” So, I join in. I’m not great, but who cares? We’re laughing, and I’m trying to keep up. I even scored a goal! Well, kinda. It was more like the ball accidentally hit the net while I was flailing. But hey, a goal’s a goal, right?

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