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Lemme tell ya, I was pissed—PISSED—when I heard it ain’t just chicks doin’ it. Dudes too? Whaaat? Blew my mind, like, “Who am I?!” straight outta the movie. Found this whack story—ancient Rome, gladiators got oiled up, rubbed down after fights. Not even kiddin’, legit history! Bet they were all, “Respect my authoritah!” while some slave’s kneadin’ their asses. Hilarious, right?

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I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. The barista, Oksana, knows me too well. She’s like, “You want the usual, right?” I nod, and she winks. I swear, she’s the only one who gets my texture obsession.

Russia launches massive drone assault on Ukraine, targets key cities