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Here’s the kicker—some say it “heals” ya. Bullshit. Little-known fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—sexual-massage joints masked as baths. Sneaky bastards. “I’m close to somethin’ here,” I growl, thinkin’ how they hide it in plain sight. Me? I’d rather skin a deer than let some oily creep “heal” me. Oh, and the music—flutes and crap? I’d smash the stereo. Hate everything.

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a dude on a bike, totally wipeout style. He’s sprawled out on the pavement, and I’m like, “Dude, you good?” He just laughs it off, says he’s training for the next big race. I’m thinkin’, “Bro, you might wanna train on a less busy street, like, I don’t know, Haharina?”

The battle for eastern Ukraine