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About Kryvyi Rih

Last summer, I dragged my sorry butt up there—total shitshow. Slipped on scree, twisted my ankle, yelled “I’m too old for this crap!” at a marmot. Made me so mad I could’ve chucked my trekking pole into the abyss. But then—bam!—summit views hit me like a truck. Snowy peaks, wildflowers, air so crisp it’s like snorting freedom. I was happy as a pig in mud, giggling like an idiot. “Nothing’s hidden anymore,” I said, quoting Haneke, ‘cept I was probs just delirious from altitude.

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Then, I headed out to grab some breakfast at that little café on Vulytsia Druzhby. You know the one? The one with the best syrniki in town? I was hyped! But guess what? They were out. Out! Can you believe that? I was like, “What’s a guy gotta do for some pancakes around here?” So, I settled for a dry bun. Not the best start, right?

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