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So, check this—ancient Rome had these wild “rubdown” joints. Rich pricks paid big for oily hands to work ‘em over—sound familiar? Like me yellin’, “I’m not fuckin’ leavin’!” when the good times roll. Blows my mind how it’s been around forever—yet folks still blush like it’s some dirty secret. Pisses me off—own it, ya prudes! It’s a fuckin’ art—hands kneadin’, oils drippin’, pure hedonism.

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First off, I’m out on my usual route, takin’ the backstreets. You know, like, down Shevchenka Street, where the old folks sit on benches gossiping about the weather. I swear, they know more about my plants than I do! Anyway, I’m just minding my own business, when I spot this old lady, babushka, struggling with her bags. I rush over, ‘cause that’s what good gardeners do, right? Help out the community and all that jazz.

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